Dearly Beloved Precious Saints !!!!
About a week or so ago we had a prayer breakfast at Goodwood Methodist Church.
Yea so we're going to go to this prayer breakfast. So I wake up in the early hours of Saturday morning expecting to be so 'tooned' into the right spiritual mode brimming up and overflowing with God's Holy Spirit, full of ideas (whose?mine! or His) 'bout what, who & how to pray. So I lay there in bed and my mind is an absolute blank and I feel as spiritual as a vrot banana.
Eventually I get up, just kinda enjoyed the all round silence (not often my mind is blank, normally a trillion, zillion things mulling around there) for an hour or so and then did all those incredibly exciting spiritual things, going to the loo, (don't forget to flush or is that floss.... yea, yea)brushing teeth (hoping the mirror don't crack when I look into it, think the flush... er floss comes in here) and getting dressed.
So off to church still feeling (watch your emotions) a zillion miles from God and His love. Allie, myself and Matthew arrive about a half hour before things start. Clint G and Donny are there already and they are praying up on the stage and they are weeping before God. And I kinda get a stab of jealously in my soul, wot have they got that I haven't. The church is quiet, softly dark, there are only the five of us there. A worship CD is on. "Okay my Lord," I prayed," whatever you want from me to do here in this place I'm willing, just use me please."
I walked down the aisle of that empty church and as I turned around to face the front I see all the empty pews and God's spirit just hit me with a mighty force, so much it hurt. The song that was playing was Who Am I by Casting Crowns and the words just cut into my spirit and soul. My eight year old son Matthew was actually following me down the aisle and he caught up to me and hugged me as I was sobbing and I just kept on saying to Mattie that we must just ask Jesus to bring the people to Him, over and over and over. Weeping for the lost, weeping for the hurting, weeping for those of you who couldn't be there, weeping for the Body of Christ not exercising it's power and trust in God, weeping for the times we are so distracted from doing God's will, just weeping.....
I kinda pulled myself together as more people started to come in. Some had just dropped everything and decided to come. Some were not sure if they should actually be there.
We prayed and ministered to each other and then some of us just came and shared such deep things (their giants) to the group there that I was moved to tears again. All the time Matthew, although he had brought toys to play with just stayed with us, stayed so close, so quiet and still.
Eventually we finished up and chatted over coffee and some food, reluctant to leave. It is so good to be in the presence of God even if it hurts. There weren't many of us there about 14 or so but how blessed we were because we were there. Available, ready, willing and obedient.
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
(Who Am I by Casting Crowns)
PS Don't forget the Holy Week services at Goodwood Methodist starting at 7pm every evening this week. Good Friday is a morning service at 9am only. Go on make yourself available to God.
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