Monday, June 6, 2005

Met Eish

To The Precious Saints !!!!

I just recently volunteered to be what is termed a HIV/AIDS Peer Educator in my workplace which is the Health Department of the Unicity of Cape Town. This position(you have to fit it in with your designated work) is to educate and help employees within the work situation relating to HIV/AIDS, STI's and TB. Ja you know the kinda stuff that makes for light hearted conversation around the braai. His Holy Spirit has been gently convicting me to make use of this opportunity to give God glory. So I've been the loyal, faithful and obedient servant and immediately jumped into the gap. Eikona!! For 'bout three years now every time this subject has come up I have come up with the stock answer,"I'M TOO BUSY!" Ah I see you nodding your head, familiar phrase huh. Of course I'm just too important to do something like that. And I mean I just cannot see myself handing out condoms on the street corner and then also demonstrating to a packed audience how to use one, using a prop (ag sies, use your imagination!). In the meantime people are slowly dieing without knowing that they have a saviour. So I took the step and put my trust in my (and your and the worlds) Saviour.
So I get trained up and then last Friday (27 May) we go to this team building meeting at Steenbras Dam. I get on the council bus at 8am on a cold and wet morning not having a clue what to expect. Then we drive off from town to pick up various people en route to Steenbras. The more people we pick up the noisier everyone gets. I then realise that I'm the only Christian on the bus of about 20 mense. I seriously doubted God at that moment 'cause the general tone of the conversation and the language is enuff to make my ears fall off and turn the air within the bus blue. Also I painfully notice that I'm the only 'whitey' there as well, "Lord what on earth am I doing here, did you arrange this? Okay sorry it's just a rhetorical question." From time to time the guys/gals would shout a question at me, "Hey Raymond is jy oraait? Hey Raymond is jy lief vir die council?" When they asked me ,"Is jy lief vir die council?" I answered that, " Ek is lief vir die mense in die council."
Of course you know what started to happen I started to see these people as.......people, not colours, unbelievers, loudmouths, I just saw them as people who Christ died for. Just remember you don't have sole rights on Jesus Christ by how good you are or how good you look.
Anyways we eventually arrive at the picnic area of Steenbras dam. I meet quite a few Christians there and the proceedings are opened up with a prayer. We do intro's and some talks are given and some other bonding stuff. The work stuff is closed off with a powerful prayer by one of the HIV/AIDS co-ordinators which just blows me away. Then time to eat (lekker braai) and mingle I get the chance to speak to quite a few people (hey man I'm still the only whitey!). A couple of the okes break out a bottle of White Horse (Die Witperd) and start pouring stiff whiskeys (sorry Klipdrift) met eish! Some of the okes start pulling my leg gently, "Hey Ray is jy oraait? How 'bout some eish? Looks like whiteys are immune to HIV/AIDS!, " and so on. Well eventually I accepted the offer (come on it was cold) of some eish and someone handed me what looked like at least a triple whiskey met eish. That really broke the eish and the okes really appreciated that I would share a dop with them. We chatted and the one thing that came through is that these okes cared, they really cared enuff to try their best to do something for their fellow workers and that warmed my heart (mebbe the whiskey also played its part!)
We piled back on the bus and on the way back I was offered and accepted some more whiskey and eish. The guys and gals never got drunk or out of hand but actually were amazingly open and friendly to me. When I eventually got off the bus in Goodwood (Allie came to pick me up, no I wasn't falling all over the place!) and I felt that I had just experienced something really special. It felt that my territory for the Lord and His glory had just increased considerably.

We are Christ's ambassadors, and God is using us to speak to you. We urge you, as though Christ himself were here pleading with you, "Be reconciled to God!" (2 Cornthians 5:20)

Here I Go Again
2 Corinthians 5: 16-21 / Romans 10:14

Father hear my prayer
I need the perfect words
Words that he will hear
And know they’re straight from You
I don’t know what to say
I only know it hurts
To see my only friend slowly fade away

So maybe this time I’ll speak the words of life
With Your fire in my eyes
But that old familiar fear is tearing at my words
What am I so afraid of?

‘Cause here I go again
Talkin’ ‘bout the rain
And mulling over things that won’t live past today
And as I dance around the truth
Time is not his friend
This might be my last chance to tell him that
You love him
But here I go again, here I go again

Lord , You love him so, You gave Your only Son
If he will just believe; he will never die
But how then will he know what he has never heard
Lord he has never seen mirrored in my life

This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him
This might be my last chance to tell him that You love him
You love him, You love him
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid
What am I so afraid of?
How then will he know
What he has never heard

Lyrics: Mark Hall / Music: Casting Crowns

LoCTY !!!!!!!!

Monday, May 30, 2005

Street Evangelism (3)

Ya so here I am with a million excuses as to why I have not written a report on the street ministry since last year. Actually I’ll spare you all and just tell it like it is. Just excuse the going back to the future bit.

On the 18th December last year just the week before Christmas we handed out Christmas cards and chocolate to the people we met. Helga and Sean were with me. We had quite a ball and struck up some interesting conversations with all types of people. Just about everyone we handed out to asked us, “How much do these cost?” Our reply was on these lines “ Absolutely free, gratis, no follow up calls, no telemarketing….” and so on. This gave us the gap to talk about God’s wonderful gift of salvation to mankind and His incredible love for us. We did not work this out before hand it just kinda happened.

I remember we handed out to the petrol pump attendant at the one garage and there was quite a well heeled dude filling up his BMW and I went up to him and gave him a chocolate and a card and I told him that this is for him as well. Christ died for everyone in the world. He just kinda smiled at me and said thank you.

Shortly after Christmas I had a fight with my Kreepy Krawly in our swimming pool and needless to say the Kreepy whipped my butt or actually broke my toe and bruised the rest of my foot. So it was very painful to walk for about two months even if it was just going to the toilet. So guess what? No street evangelism for a while.

Then we eventually got back out on the street in March again with Clint and Sean. By that time I could manage a very speedy hobble with not much pain. It was a blustery windswept night, the kinda lekker south easter that blows holes in your body. We met a young man early on in the evening who just rushed past us in a caste iron hurry. Saying he has no time even for just taking a tract. As he walked past me I was already praying for him without realising it. Suddenly he turned around and started talking to the three of us. Asking us tons of questions for about 10 to 15 minutes. I then invited him to give his life to Jesus. I would like to say that we led him to Christ there and then but sadly he declined the offer. We had quite a few encounters that night but that one has stuck in my memory.

Sometimes people throw the tracts away right there and then but we the wind often blows them back to us and we just pick them up and hand them to someone else.

After that evening in March we ran out of tracts and have just been waiting to get all the logistics sorted out to order some more.

During this time (Jan –Mar) one of the women who we met on the street has come to do Alpha and has had a wonderful renewal of her faith by His Holy Spirit. She gave her testimony during the Alpha celebration evening in February and is currently attending the cell group which I facilitate and coming to church with Allie and myself. God is good. All the time and all the time…..God is good. Hope you said it with me.

So as you can see when you serve Jesus everything is just plain sailing without any problems at all. So if you have any problems then our Lord doesn’t want you to do that ministry. Yeah…….right……..pull the other one. No not that toe it’s still healing, the other one. Jesus said “If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life you will lose it ; but if you give it up for me, you will find it.” He also said that in this world we will have trouble but that he has conquered the world. Go find the scriptures yourself.

So if you do have opposition and difficulties in your ministry pray and ask Jesus and listen to the gentle whisper of His Holy Spirit which will guide you through your trails and give you the strength to persevere.

LoCTY (= Love of Christ to You)

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Allie's Testimony

To give a little background before I found my Saviour and Lord Jesus Christ; Val(my sister)and my Mom (now dead 8 years) prayed for me for years (sort of reminds me of St Augustine!) So before I actually came to accept Him I into my heart, I had people praying for me.

My husband Raymond and myself found Jesus in a mighty way just about 4 years ago and we have never looked back and never will. He is our Lord and Master and the controller of our lives. We thank Him every day for coming into our lives, for knocking and knocking on the door of our hearts and never giving up until we opened up and let Him in.
I always knew who He was and always "believed" (in my head, not my heart)as I was brought up a Roman Catholic by a Mom and Dad who always went to church, sent me to a Catholic school, I did my First communion, was confirmed but immediately stopped going to church once I had left school. Maybe going only at Christmas time. I was even married in a Catholic church to Lisa's Dad, but the words I spoke and the vows I took did not mean much - they were done because that is what had to be done.
I was divorced from Cecil twice, first time when Lisa was 5 years old and the second time when she was 14. By that time we had our son too, Adam. He was then 3 going on 4.
I did not bring my children up in the way of the Lord. They of course knew about Him and my Mom was the instrument in keeping them in the right path, taking them to Catechism, making sure they did their First Communion and Lisa was also confirmed. She used to be involved in the Youth group of our local church but somewhere along the way she also stopped this and going to church. Adam was not even confirmed as my Mom had died by then and I could not be bothered.
I put God on the back burner but always, always knew that something was missing in my life. I was 31 when we were divorced for the second and final time and went on a totally wrong path, jolling, sleeping with anyone I met, drinking and partying! I was never a "bad" person but was not a good person either. I met Steve and for 3 years was in a disastrous relationship - he was mentally and emotionally abusive to me and hated Lisa and tolerated Adam. Finally I met my wonderful husband Raymond at age 37. He was 4 years younger than me, had been divorced twice and very badly hurt by both wives, he had no children and gladly and wonderfully accepted both Lisa and Adam. Lisa was 18 and Adam was 8. Both of my children accepted him gladly too and after knowing each other just over 1 year we got married. We married at my sister's place with a minister (who a friend told us about) but although we again said our vows, we still did not have God in our marriage. When I was nearly 42 we had Matthew. I was approximately 3 months pregnant when Lisa went over to U.S.A. After I had my beautiful son Matthew, I had to have a major operation, hysterectomy as well as a bowel and bladder repair which had both dropped. Something happened to me during that Op which led to me going into a terrible depression and having to be admitted to a hospital under a Psychiatrist and also 6 sessions of E.C.T. (Electro Convulsive Treatment). I was put on an antidepressant called Aropax (which I am still on after 8 years) due to a clinical imbalance (my body is not able to produce seratonin on it's own) so the pills help my body to do this.
During this time, I started searching for Jesus. Still I did not take the step. Three years after this I took myself off these pills and what a disaster - I went down into a deep hole of depression from which I struggled to get out. I even had to resign my job (where I had been for 8 years) as we could not tell when I would be well enough to go back and they would not wait. No compassion shown to me as many people do not understand depression and think that you can just snap out of it! After a month I was better after going back onto the pills and I was re-employed half days - praise the Lord - I LOVE working half days.
Lisa was a wonderful and compassionate daughter during this time and a tremendous source of comfort and strength both to me and Raymond.
This time the Lord knocked so hard at the door of my heart and I really started searching in earnest. By the November of that year 2000, I started going to the Goodwood Methodist Church through an invitation by my best friend from school days (with whom I had been friends since 13 years of age). Raymond and I bumped into her at a restaurant one Saturday morning and somehow got on to the subject of God. I went with her that Sunday evening to church, loved the worship and Mike Crommelin the minister. I asked Raymond to come with me and 3 weeks later he came (not really wanting to - did not agree with "organized" religions - he had been a Jehovah's witness for 4 years before I met him and had become majorly disillusioned with them). We have not looked back since then. We did the Alpha course in Feb. of 2001 and since then have served on the team in various capacities. I got involved with the children's ministry in our social concerns section and visited at a children's home and was bringing a little coloured girl, Madelyn, every second weekend since she was 7 - she is now 11. (I have taken a break from the social concerns for this year and as Madelyn is reconciled with her Mom and goes to her every second weekend I have stopped taking her home.) I used to visit St Joseph's every second Friday and play with the kids. They are really a blessing from God and helped in my own healing. We were also both Sunday school teachers (I still am but Raymond has taken a break this year – he is visiting other Christian churches in the area as this is what God has been asking him to do)
At Sunday School I am with the 6 year olds and Raymond was with the 16 year olds. We also ran the soup kitchen on Goodwood main road for 2 years and although we are not running it now, (we do it only once a month now), I still make a huge pot of soup every 2nd Saturday, and Raymond does Street Evangelism about twice a month on a Saturday evening, down Voortrekker Road. We also have both done the Emmaus walk - a spiritual walk which is run all around the world. We did it at Manyano centre in Paarl.
Raymond is also involved in the Men’s ministry of our church called ‘Maxi-Men’ which is held every second Monday evening at someone’s house. I also go on the alternative Monday to our Women’s fellowship called JOY (Join Young and Old) at Adele’s place in Monte Vista. Raymond also goes to a Saturday morning men’s fellowship at the Salem church in Bothasig. Raymond is also involved with the Youth Emmaus called Chrylasis and is on the prayer team.
We belong to a cell/bible study group of which Raymond is the facilitator, every Thursday evening. We are currently doing the “Purpose driven Life” by Rick Warren. Wonderful!!
We love going to church and worshipping the Lord and this really is a "happy clappy" church (which in earlier years I scorned and said I would never go to one of those churches!) We praise the Lord in spirit and in truth with clapping of hands and with our bodies and minds. We absolutely love it and love Jesus. Our church is a Holy Spirit filled church and you can feel the love and warmth there. This is my testimony and I know that I know that I know that the Lord has something major planned for me and Raymond to do in the future. We wait upon His calling.
My Matthew (8 years old now) is being brought up as Lisa and Adam should have been, with Jesus very much in his life. You ask him who is the strongest and the biggest and he points straight up and says Jesus and God! If we forget to say grace before meals he reminds us and every film that comes on and has swearing in it, he switches off!
My son Adam (21) is in the U.S.A. at the moment working on the Carnivals and he wonderfully and mightily accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into his heart in March a few weeks before he left to go over. I praise the Lord our God as we have been praying and praying for him!
He is even ‘preaching’ to the other guys over there who do not know Jesus and is playing his Christian CD’s loud even though the others think he is mad! Thank you Jesus!
We now just want to serve God and do whatever He wants us to do in our lives. He has a perfect plan for all of us and we will continue to trust in Him and be His people of Grace.
Amen

Do You Remember What I've Done? 2

Yo Saints !!!!!!

So there I was feeling pretty chuffed with myself for heeding the gentle whisper of His Holy Spirit and wearing my heart on my sleeve for you wacky (but much loved) bunch of people. And then there were a coupla emails and phone calls back to me. The general line of comment was something like this "Hey bozo, where is the attachment? Where is the testimony, did you FORGET to attach it?!, Do you actually know how to work your email package?"
Phew you guys are a tuff audience. Actually I was just doing the good husband, trusted confidant thing. I had not asked Allie her permission to send out her testimony to the bunch of you, but I did that last night and she is happy to do that.
So here it is and something extra as well as I also include the way God used this testimony yesterday and just remember this started with Paul and Belinda's testimonies.
All of you out there have a miraculous testimony, although you might not think so, your testimony can break down walls, barriers and be an incredible instrument for God. Your testimony is a living day by day sacrifice to your Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ which takes in the past, present and future, never be ashamed of it, wear it as a shining badge inside and outside you, a badge that shines/reflects God's glory. I just smile when people say God don't do no miracles today. The greatest miracle in the universe is when we are reconciled back to God through the blood of Jesus Christ, when we reach that point in our lives when we acknowledge Him as the Lord of our lives, King of Kings, King of Glory.
Below are two emails between Allie and Belinda.



Hi Monds,
See the email below from Belinda.

Well, yes I was sitting the lounge yesterday watching something on TV whilst Matt and Chadd were playing. The phone rang and it was Belinda!. We had such a lovely long chat. The last two times we saw each other was firstly 8+ years ago at my Mom's funeral (I was 6 months pregnant and I think she was 1 month). Then shortly afterwards when I had Matt and he was just born and she was still pregnant, Val and I went to visit. We did not see each other again, perhaps the time was not right. But what am I saying, God's timing is perfect and that is why He has brought us together again!.
She said that she had just read Val's letter and was looking out of the window wondering how she could reach her Mom and Dad. By the way her Mom is my sister Val's best friend who worked in Barclays bank with her before she became a nun. Her Mom and Dad are also Roman Catholic and she considers Belinda a bit of a black sheep as she and her husband Paul now belong to the AOG in Edgemead and not the Catholic church. She turned back to her computer and there was an email waiting for her. MINE!!
She read it with joy and tears and sometime later phoned me and we had a beautiful conversation, sharing and laughing and just overwhelmed that we had such similar testimonies. A 'coincidence'? I don't think so - more likely a GOD incidence.
She asked also if she could share my testimony with her Mom and Dad and others and I said of course. Testimonies are to be shared with everyone. Even the shortest of testimonies is a great witness to God our Loving Heavenly Father.
Praise God from whom all blessings come.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose".
Romans 8:28
God Bless
Love Allie

God is good.

From Belinda

I just finished reading a letter from Aunty Val...from PE.

AND just turned to my computer..... and opened mail from her sister!!!

so amazing...... I am about to read your testimony now.

Thanks in advance.

I know that this communication is not by chance.....

I know that God has a plan.

I am so excited.

chat later...

bye
love
from
Belinda

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Do You Remember What I've Done?

Dear Precious Saints !!!!!

So I'm getting a few emails and phone calls asking "Are you well? Where have you been? Do you need someone to talk to? I'm really missing your mail.When r u gonna write yr book?," some of you have probably noticed that your inbox just ain't been so full lately (probably breathing a sigh of relief). I gotta watch the comments and stuff 'cause you know I'm painfully human at times and all these encouraging comments could go just straight to my head and then my head would swell to such an extent that I would not be able to get out of the office to go home. But please don't stop saying wot ever you wanna say. I really don't have any excuses it's not that I haven't had anything to say and share its just that I don't always know how to express it out here in black on white.
Well as per usual I'm working (yeah I do that) and I decide to check my email. Ah, a email from Allie (my wife). I innocently open it up totally unprepared for the contents (she did tell me earlier on, but I forgot....me forget!?) and on the attachment is Allie's testimony. She had sent it to a couple whose testimony we had recently read. Well I read through it (this is the first time that she has written it out) and phew it was just blow away time. Outside some union members were chanting and demonstrating, but me I was a mess I was crying without even realising it. You know we are so quick to forget God's love, grace and mercy in our lives, we sometimes meander off into a side street which is a dead end and there we sit howling at the moon, shaking our fists at God all kinda bitter and frustrated. Where ever you are now, whatever you are doing just take a moment to reflect, meditate on what God has done in your life so far and what it has cost Him and if your heart is hard let His spirit come in and soften your heart and if you cry.....so what. I have a my own cry room, it is the last toilet cubicle against the wall....I'm getting a sign for the door.

Concerning the Gentiles (datz most of us), God says in the prophecy of Hosea, "Those who where not my people, I will now call my people. And I will love those whom I did not love before. (Romans 9:25 from Hosea 2:23)

"If my life is fruitless, it doesn't matter who praises me, and if my life is fruitful it doesn't matter who criticizes me." - John Bunyan.

Will I believe You when You say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

I will walk by faith even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to rid my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath you made me new
Your grace covers all I do

I will walk by faith even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Well I'm broken but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken
Pouring out Your words of grace

I will walk by faith even when I cannot see
Because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
(Walk By Faith written and performed by Jeremy Camp)

LoCTY !!!!!!

PS Thank you Paul and Belinda keep shining.
PPS Just in case you are wondering or confused the "I've" in the subject header is definitely not me but God!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

I Need You Now

To The Precious Saints !!!!

Every morning I wake up, do you think I thank and praise and worship my Saviour? Of course I do! I mean you all know me as this wonderful, incredible, fine upstanding Christian to whom you all look up to as such a great example. Yeah right ! Lemme tell you anything good you see in me is from God (James 1:17) and that is only made possible by His love, grace and mercy which I'm slowly coming to realise through Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit. Sometimes I'm in despair for those around me, sometimes I'm so lost, in a panic, don't have the courage to get up and go out in this crazy world which is driven by pride and fear. I ask God what do you really want me to do in this crazy mixed up world today? I'm really a paralysis analysis oke. But you know if I humble myself and talk to Him ('cause we all can) He reaches down and through His love, He restores my eternal hope and says just trust me,you are my child and I have given you the authority of my son, 'cause without Jesus this world just does not make any sense at all.
So in these past few days I have carefully walked (with Jesus) through all kinds of 'things' good and bad and when I'm feeling lost, when I'm hurting, when I see those around me being hurt, thousands dying in natural catastrophes,wars, whose fault is it? Who does the 'world' blame? You got it, God. Even those who don't believe he exists will quite contritely tell you that is why they cannot believe in Him 'cause of all the 'bad' stuff going on in the world today. Man, even they know something is wrong and mankind has not been able to fix it and is not 'evolving' into something better, forget all the nasty four letter words, there is one three letter word that blows them all away and that word is SIN. Jesus in Matthew 24 told us that in the last days these things would happen. Paul on many occasions expands on this in his letters to the various churches and then there is the book of Revelation. How many of us read the bible, how many of us pick up the pattern as to how God dealt with the Jews in the Old Testament? So many just dis the bible without even having opened it. They ask you to explain your faith without referring to the bible, ha now that is a good way to install a crunching handicap. Just because people believe or disbelieve something does not make it the truth but as Solomon (some wise oke) said there is nothing new under the sun.
Ag Raymond you know people have been saying that for years, that the end of the world is nigh. So how can we take this seriously anymore this is really the genre of crackpots and lunatics. Don't worry, they laughed at Noah as well, who was this crazy old man building this colossal contraption in his back yard. They stopped laughing when they started to drown. There is a cliché that goes like this, "the only thing we learn from history is that we don't learn anything at all."
Of course then there is that other wannabe god. Satan who comes to lie, cheat and destroy, has anyone noticed him? What is his main aim, you mean you don't know? Come on, he wants to either stop you from getting to a relationship with God or if you have one to drive a wedge in it and break it down, he wants you to act outside of God's love and purely for yourself. He wants you to worship him. Just perchance do you see any evidence of his handiwork in this world today. But don't be fooled he is already defeated but he wants to take you down with him.
But when I look at people, when I deal with them I know Jesus died for each and everyone (John 3:16) on this messed up planet no matter what you believe but the only way out is through Him (remember the song by Sir Cliff) and I know I need my Saviour Jesus Christ every day of my life to help me do His will and to help me show His love, grace and mercy.

I've never seen that little town where You where born
It was long before my time and far away
But as time goes on I think about You more and more
And wonder what it was like in those days
I wish I could have walked with You
You might have called me friend
But there's no way I could have known You then

But I know You now
I know Your name
A lot of awesome things You did and why you came

I didn't know You when You helped that lame man rise up from his bed
I didn't know You when You stood there and called Lazarus from the dead
But I know You now

I didn't see You feed that tired hungry crowd with five loaves and two fish one afternoon
And I didn't see You catch Peter's hand so he wouldn't drown
When he tried to walk on water like You
I couldn't see Your face when You taught those little kids
There's just no way I could have seen You then

But I see You now
I see Your love
I see a tiny glimpse of You in every one of us
I didn't see You on the Mount of Olives crying as You prayed
I couldn't see You when You were kissed by Judas and betrayed
But I see You now

Oh , I didn't need You when that cruel and angry mob shouted "crucify him"
And I couldn't have needed You when they laughed and mocked You
But it could be that I'm a little bit like them

'Cause I need You now
I need Your grace
And how I needed Your forgiveness to be saved

I didn't need You when Pilate's soldiers beat You to the ground
I didn't need You when You hung there bleeding from Your thorny crown

But I need You now
Oh, I need You now
I need You now......
(I need You now,words by Kelly Shiver performed by Billy Ray Cyrus from the album The Other Side)

LoCTY !!!!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Who Am I ?

Dearly Beloved Precious Saints !!!!

About a week or so ago we had a prayer breakfast at Goodwood Methodist Church.

Yea so we're going to go to this prayer breakfast. So I wake up in the early hours of Saturday morning expecting to be so 'tooned' into the right spiritual mode brimming up and overflowing with God's Holy Spirit, full of ideas (whose?mine! or His) 'bout what, who & how to pray. So I lay there in bed and my mind is an absolute blank and I feel as spiritual as a vrot banana.
Eventually I get up, just kinda enjoyed the all round silence (not often my mind is blank, normally a trillion, zillion things mulling around there) for an hour or so and then did all those incredibly exciting spiritual things, going to the loo, (don't forget to flush or is that floss.... yea, yea)brushing teeth (hoping the mirror don't crack when I look into it, think the flush... er floss comes in here) and getting dressed.
So off to church still feeling (watch your emotions) a zillion miles from God and His love. Allie, myself and Matthew arrive about a half hour before things start. Clint G and Donny are there already and they are praying up on the stage and they are weeping before God. And I kinda get a stab of jealously in my soul, wot have they got that I haven't. The church is quiet, softly dark, there are only the five of us there. A worship CD is on. "Okay my Lord," I prayed," whatever you want from me to do here in this place I'm willing, just use me please."
I walked down the aisle of that empty church and as I turned around to face the front I see all the empty pews and God's spirit just hit me with a mighty force, so much it hurt. The song that was playing was Who Am I by Casting Crowns and the words just cut into my spirit and soul. My eight year old son Matthew was actually following me down the aisle and he caught up to me and hugged me as I was sobbing and I just kept on saying to Mattie that we must just ask Jesus to bring the people to Him, over and over and over. Weeping for the lost, weeping for the hurting, weeping for those of you who couldn't be there, weeping for the Body of Christ not exercising it's power and trust in God, weeping for the times we are so distracted from doing God's will, just weeping.....
I kinda pulled myself together as more people started to come in. Some had just dropped everything and decided to come. Some were not sure if they should actually be there.
We prayed and ministered to each other and then some of us just came and shared such deep things (their giants) to the group there that I was moved to tears again. All the time Matthew, although he had brought toys to play with just stayed with us, stayed so close, so quiet and still.
Eventually we finished up and chatted over coffee and some food, reluctant to leave. It is so good to be in the presence of God even if it hurts. There weren't many of us there about 14 or so but how blessed we were because we were there. Available, ready, willing and obedient.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
(Who Am I by Casting Crowns)


LoCTY !!!!!!!

PS Don't forget the Holy Week services at Goodwood Methodist starting at 7pm every evening this week. Good Friday is a morning service at 9am only. Go on make yourself available to God.
 

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